so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
