did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
