Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
