My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
