Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize