watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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