I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
