if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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