she woke up with a sticky ear
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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