We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
