The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
