You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
