I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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