I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize