Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
