life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
