We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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