fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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