We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
