Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My penis needs a shock collar
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
