arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
