Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
