Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
