You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
