He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
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