dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
