Banned from zoo.
Again?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
