just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I have tasted many bathrooms
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
