Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
