Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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