Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
