It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
