just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
