I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
