Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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