on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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