I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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