do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Did I show you my penis last night?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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