$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
