i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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