Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
