You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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