I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
