He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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