Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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