He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize