He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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