New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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