I cockslap morals
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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