I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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