What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
