On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
