my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
