just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
