worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Randomize
