is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
