There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
