Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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