Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
