I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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