Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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