Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
