I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
