Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
did you just send me my own nude
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
