and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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