I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
