K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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