You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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