I want to have your abortion
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
